Therapy

My name is Jim Kessler. I'm the potter. My lovely wife Brenda died very suddenly on June 17, 2006. It made me crazy. Shrinks and therapists say it is good to write a journal or letters to your loved one who has "passed on". My letters come out as songs. I just finished a short CD of original songs written to and about my wife. Some were written before her death, some after.

If you don't have a CD and you want one, email me with your address and I'll send you one. It's free. It's my Therapy.

If you have a high speed connection, you can click on the song title and listen to it or right click to download the MP3 file.

All the recordings were done in my home studio on a BOSS BR-1600. I did all the tracks myself except for the drums which are played by the robot built in to the recorder.

I’m not a songwriter. I can’t say “I guess I’ll write a song” and sit down and do it. They just pop in to my head. The hardest part is remembering them long enough to get it down on paper.

This is a collection of some that didn’t get away.

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After Brenda died it was like being in an episode of Star Trek where I was catapulted in to a parallel universe where Brenda isn’t here. All her stuff is here but she isn’t. It’s all wrong and Captain Kirk can’t get me back to my real world. Friends and Family are here and also notice she’s gone, but it doesn’t seem to affect them in the same extreme, profound way as it does me.

The main thing I notice is that when I go to the store or the gas station or get the propane bottle filled, people are acting as if nothing has happened. It seems as though they are completely unaware of the earth changing event that took place on June 17, 2006.

SOMETHING HAPPENED E A D A E A D A

I know you may not believe it

But the Sun went down in the middle of the day

I know you think it couldn’t happen

But the Sun went down in the middle of the day

I know you may not have known this

But the Sun came from a City by the Bay

I know you may not have known this

But the Sun was born in a City by the Bay

I know you may not have seen this

But a star is shining brighter in the sky

I know you may not have seen this

But a star is shining brighter in the sky

What if the spirit is in the star?

And the light goes down when we come down?

What if the spirit is in the star?

And the light goes up when we go home?

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In the summer of 1978 I was a bum. I had some money because I had just sold a house, but I was not employed. I made a little money on side jobs playing the guitar, but basically I partied with my buddies and let women chase me. It worked out pretty well.

I had a black Kawasaki 900 Z1B with a faring. I had a black helmet and a black leather jacket. I was cool.

I decided to take a motorcycle ride from Tacoma to San Francisco to visit my big brother Steve. I took off in the middle of the night and rode ‘til mid morning, when I stopped for a nap. I made it to Steve’s house later that evening.

After hanging around for almost two weeks I was ready to go home when I saw Brenda in Steve’s office. Of course she was gorgeous. It was Friday and the office was closing. I think it was a full moon because I said “ya wanta go howl at the moon?”. She said “what?”. I said “you know, go out and howl at the moon”.

She thought for a minute and said “I don’t have anything better to do”.

So we met at a bar later that night and went bar hopping. She plied me with tequila and used her feminine wiles on me and it worked.

The next day we went to a Renaissance Faire in Napa Valley somewhere. We had a great time.

I was smitten.

I was also running low on cash and had to go back to Tacoma.

That meant I had to leave her there and inspired my first poem/song to her.

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DAYLIGHT DREAMING (3 Days)

D9 D6

YES I’M GLAD I MET YOU

D9 D6

AND NO I WON’T FORGET YOU

D9 D6

AND I WANTA TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME

D9 D6

I WANTA TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME

YES I’LL BE LEAVIN NOW

NO I DON’T WANT YOUR VOW

BUT I WANTA TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME

I WANTA TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME

DON’T WANT ANOTHER SHORT LOVE AFFAIR

MAYBE LATER WE WON’T CARE

D9 D6

BUT THREE DAYS IS NOT ENOUGH

D9 D6

THREE DAYS IS NOT ENOUGH

I ONLY KNEW YOU FOR A DAY OR TWO

I WANT MORE AND I THINK YOU DO

AND I WANTA TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME

I WANTA TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME

YOU CAN GAMBLE ON THE TREES AND RAIN

YOU CAN GAMBLE ON HOW WE’VE LAIN

JUST COME ON HOME WITH ME

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After I got home to Tacoma, I wooed her long distance by sending her flowers on her birthday. It was in August when I met her so her birthday of September 7 was perfect timing.

We talked on the phone just about every day, and she finally decided to fly up to Tacoma for a weekend.

Remember when I first asked her out, her affirmative response was “I don’t have anything better to do”.

AIN’T GOIN’ TO THE MEAT MARKET, JUST THE ZOO (Nothing Better)

COME ON, COME HERE, WE’LL HAVE TWO MORE DAYS

LET’S SEE WHAT’S LEFT OF OUR FULL MOON CRAZE

I’D LIKE NOTHIN’ BETTER NOW, THAN TO SEE YOU

A G D A

IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO

YOUR VOICE ON THE PHONE SOUNDS NICE TO ME, BUT

I WANT TO TOUCH YOU AND I WANT TO SEE

HOW I FEEL WHEN I’M LOOKIN’ AT YOU

IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO

Dm7

WE WERE THE ONLY COUPLE ON THE FLOOR

AND DIDN’T EVEN DANCE

Dm7

JUST THE TWO OF US

WE WERE TAKIN’ A CHANCE

Dm7

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

G A

I SHOULD HAVE SEEN A SIGN

A D A

CAUSE NOW, I WANT YOU FOR MINE

I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE WHEN WE FIRST MET

AND EVEN NOW, I DON’T KNOW YET

BUT IT WOULD BE EASY

TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO

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She couldn’t get there soon enough.

COUNTING

F#m A E F#m

Bm E F#m

I COUNT THE DAYS TIL I SEE YOU AGAIN

IT’S BEEN SO LONG, BUT I REMEMBER WHEN

WE WALKED AT THE FAIRE WITH THE DUST AND THE SUN

I WANTED TO TAKE YOU AND RUN

WE LAUGHED AT THE JUGGLERS AND DRANK YOUR BEER

IT WAS A PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU SO NEAR

I HELD YOUR HAND AND DIDN’T WANT TO LET GO

I KNEW I WAS LEAVING, AND WANTED YOU SO

NOW, WHO ARE YOU, TO DO THIS TO ME

I’VE BEEN LIVING MY LIFE, MUCH DIFFERENTLY

HERE I AM, WAITING FOR YOU

WONDERING WHY, AND WISHING I KNEW

IF I’LL REALLY EVER SEE YOU AGAIN

I’LL COUNT THE DAYS UNTIL THEN

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Brenda was a Master Shopper. She kind of glared at me when I did this song for her.

SHOPPING

I was goin' to the market

I’s a shoppin' and a droppin’

I was – really maxed

My bags were full

My pockets were empty

But I needed to fill some more sacks

I went to the post office,

got my mail

The credit card machine was goin’ strong

Back to the market

Fillin’ my sacks

They had to stop me before long

So now I got all this stuff

And some's still in the sacks

And one day I gotta pay

But I can use one card

To pay off another

And tomorrow’s another day

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NO WHINING

I WANTA WAKE UP

ONE DAY

G ……… D

WITHOUT A BROKEN HEART

I HEARD YOU SAY YOU LOVED ME

AND I BELIEVED YOU

I THOUGHT THAT MEANT YOU’D NEVER LEAVE

I GUESS I DIDN’T KNOW

THE WHOLE STORY

G ……… D

YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE

I WANTA WAKE UP

ONE DAY

G ……… D

WITHOUT A BROKEN HEART

SO NOW YOU’RE NOT HERE

I GUESS YOU’RE GONE

THAT WASN’T IN OUR ORIGINAL DEAL

IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE US

JUST YOU AND ME

G …….. D

NOW I’M TRYIN’ TO HEAL

I WANTA WAKE UP

ONE DAY

G …….. D

WITHOUT A BROKEN HEART

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One reason Brenda and I got along so well the past few years, is because we never argued about money. I had my bank account and credit card and she had her bank account and credit cardS. Big S at the end there. If she wanted to spend her money she did, and if I wanted to spend my money I did. We split the bills and I was her Houseboy (later self-promoted to Home Administrator).

She had planned on making money on sewing and fabric sales and as a result bought a LOT of fabric. I am now the owner of at least 51 bolts of fabric and that’s not counting the stuff that is just stacked up. She charged it. She used to play the credit card game of moving balances from one account to the other to save on interest. I would ask her if she need help paying them off but she would always say it was OK, she would take care of it. Little did I know.

After she died, I knew I had to take care of what I called “administrative” stuff and asked my Brother Steve if he would help me with it. Of course he agreed and one of the things we had to do was to find her credit card bills.

She had her file drawer and I had mine. She didn’t get in to my stuff and I didn’t get in to hers. But now we had to find those bills. Steve found them sometime in the afternoon of the Friday after her death.

He had a stack of files on the kitchen table and when he found them he said “HOLY SH...”, and EXACTLY at that time a raccoon knocked on the back door.

You read correctly. A raccoon, in the afternoon (about 2PM, and they are nocturnal), climbed up the stairs to the second floor deck, came over to one of the windowed French Doors and said “HEY, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE CREDIT CARD BILLS AND LOOK AT ME!!!”

It was just like in “The Wizard of Oz” where Toto is pulling on the curtain and the Wizard is saying “PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN”. It was perfect.

The raccoon hung around a bit that day, partly because my Sister-in-law Sally loves animals and was talking to her (gender determined by Sally) and giving her water. We called her Brenda’s Messenger.

The next day my Son Nate came over with his wonderful fiancé Jennifer, and Alex, Kiara, and Mikayla, three of Brenda’s Granddaughters, whom she loves dearly.

With the Babies here, Brenda’s Messenger decided this was the perfect time to show up with HER baby, so she comes out of the woods, across the back yard with this clumsy little baby raccoon trailing behind, and leads it up the stairs. So now my Grandbabies are looking at the raccoon baby out the window (no petting, no touching) and the raccoon baby falls through the steps leading up to the deck and the Mama has to go running down to check on it, finds it OK and runs it back in to the woods.

So now Brenda has TWO Messengers; One whose initial purpose was to distract us from her credit card bills and say HI, and another to say HI to her Grandbabies.

Brenda’s Messengers became regular fixtures around here and I named them Mabel and Goofball.

INSTRUCTIONS

Hey - I’m just tryin’ to follow instructions

But you’re not being very clear

Every time I think I hear you

Maybe it’s just because you’re near

Yes I like having you around

And maybe you don’t have much to say

But I’d like to hear from you

Even if it’s not every day

Thank you for sending little Mabel

And her baby I call Goofball

Your children love to have you

And I do most of all.

I know you have other things to do

And I’m trying not to whine

I just hope you remember me

When I get around and it’s my time

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I have over 51 bolts of Fabric.

MUCHO FABRIC

G C G

I think they got some fabric stores in heaven

C G

Jo Ann’s lookin’ for you

C G

I know there must be fabric stores in heaven

D G

They put ‘em there just for you

You can have yards and yards and yards and yards and yards

You got, plenty of room

You can get more and more and more and more and more

If you run out, they’ll get you a loom

I think they got the biggest and the best – (you can have it all)

As a privileged guest – (all you gotta do is call)

You know you left a mess - and

Jo Ann’s lookin for you

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LEARNING

I GOTTA LEARN TO LIVE ALL OVER AGAIN

D G

I GOTTA LEARN TO LIVE ALL OVER AGAIN

D G

AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU

G C

WE WERE DOIN’ JUST FINE

WE HAD A REAL GOOD TIME

DIGGIN’ IN THE DIRT

WE WERE STARTIN TO SHINE

THEN YOU HAD TO GO AND LEAVE

AND NOW MY LIFE IS ALL MINE

D G

AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU

MY JOB WAS PLAIN

AND I HAD NO PAIN

MAKIN’ YOU HAPPY

WAS MAKIN’ ME SANE

AFTER YOU I’VE GOT

NOTHIN’ TO GAIN

D G

SO IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU

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TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR Lyrics by Jane Taylor

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A couple of new ones as of Jan 2008.

RING DOWN CIRCUIT

I WANTA DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN

MAYBE ONCE A MONTH

F C

I DON’T THINK IT’S TOO MUCH TO ASK

YOU WON’T HAVE TO DO THE DISHES

I’LL SAVE UP MY WISHES

C G C

AND I PROMISE TO TRY AND MAKE IT LAST (‘TIL NEXT MONTH)

YOU LEFT WAY TOO SOON

AND I WANTA KNOW HOW YOU’RE DOIN’

CAN YOU SEE ME FROM WAY UP THERE?

DO ANGELS REALLY HAVE WINGS?

TELL ME HOW JESUS SINGS

I THINK A DIRECT LINE WOULD BE FAIR

CHORUS

THERE’S THAT THING ABOUT WRITIN’ LETTERS

AND SOMETIMES IT WORKS

BUT YOU KNOW, IT’S JUST NOT THE SAME

I’M LOOKIN' FOR TWO WAY COMMUNICATION

I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT A REAL CONVERSATION

WE COULD CONNECT WHEN I CALL OUT YOUR NAME

CHORUS

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HEARTDROPS Dm F C

I THINK I KNOW WHAT LOVE MEANS

DO YOU THINK YOU WANTA HEAR?

I DON’T KNOW IF I SHOULD TELL YOU

'CAUSE MAYBE YOU’LL SHED A TEAR (WHEN YOU HEAR)

I’M GONNA GIVE YOU ONE LITTLE CHANCE

YOU MAY WANT TO LEAVE THE ROOM

CAUSE IF YOU HEAR A HEARTDROP FALL

YOU MAY WANTA RUN BACK TO THE WOMB

YOU KNOW I REALLY CAN’T TELL YOU

IS IT ANY WONDER?

YOU'LL KNOW WHEN YOU FEEL YOUR HEARTDROP GROW

AND IT SPLITS YOUR LIFE ASUNDER

I'M AFRAID THE ONLY WAY - YOU’LL REALLY EVER KNOW

IS WHEN YOUR LOVE IS GONE

WHEN YOU FEEL YOUR HEARTDROP FALL

AND KNOW A PIECE OF YOU IS GONE

I TRIED TO SAY WHAT LOVE MEANS

NOW DID YOU REALLY WANT TO HEAR?

MAYBE YOU HEARD A HEARTDROP FALL

MAYBE YOU SHED A TEAR